Long day ...

Woke up at 4:22am, hopped in the shower, and then blearily climbed in Amber's truck.

We made it to the airport in good time - probably got there about 5:45am. The line for Southwest was out the door and down the sidewalk! It was incredible! I jumped out of the truck and asked someone what the line was for. They said it was the line to check bags and that the line inside was even longer. Fortunately, I didn't check any bags! Checking bags is for chumps - especially if you're just gone for a long weekend (ie Thanksgiving).

I skipped the lines, both inside and out, that were by now at least a block or two long and queued up for the security screening. The line was long and moved more slowly than I would've liked, but I had plenty of time.

I like to think of myself as an expert flyer. I don't arrive 2hrs early because that's ridiculous. I get to the airport an hour before my flight, and before I even get to the xray conveyor belt my shoes are off, my pockets are empty, my belt is in my backpack, and my laptop is out. I don't mess around, and I tend to get frustrated with people who aren't on their A-game. For instance, the guy who forgets to take off his watch, then has to go through the metal detector again only to discover he's left something metal in his pockets. Idiot.

So, you can imagine my chagrin when my backpack went through the xray machine and the guy operating it shouts "We've got a 29!"

Immediately, the entire security process shuts down. Not just my line - every security line in the airport ... on one of the busiest (if not the busiest) travel days of the year.

Two Dallas PD officers and a TSA supervisor come over, eye the xray, then reopen the security screening process. I put my shoes and belt back on and one of the officers approaches me.

"Sir, is this your backpack."

"Yeah."

"Do you have anything in here that you shouldn't?"

"... No."

"Are you sure? No weapons, no ammunition?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Do you mind if we look through your bag?"

I told him it was alright, and he began fishing through it. He couldn't find what he was looking for, and after what seemed like 20 minutes (but was probably only five) he started emptying all the contents. Eventually, his face lit up, and he pulled out a loaded clip ... In case you're as sheltered as my friend, the Princess (she knows who she is), and don't know what this is exactly, it's the part of a pistol that holds the bullets and inserts into it's handle.

So ... yikes. The Dallas PD officers and I had a discussion about why I was carrying a clip filled with five .380 caliber hollow points. At this point, I'm positive that they're going to "ask" me to accompany them to a small, brightly lit white room with a stainless steel table, two chairs, and a two-way mirror.

But, it actually went pretty well! I explained that it was an accident and that I didn't know it was in there and they didn't seem too incredulous. It probably helped that I didn't have the rest of the gun with me. They ran a quick background check on my name, kept the loaded clip, and the TSA agent took down my info.

One of the officers, who seemed to sympathize with my conundrum was asking the TSA agent if there would be a fine. He said that some administrative TSA agent would review the file and then decide on a fine from 0-$1500. I'm hoping for 0 :) The TSA agent told the officer that if you bring gun into the airport, loaded and with a round in the chamber, it's an automatic $1000 fine. It was at this point that I piped up ... In retrospect, I realize that (as Mike Birbiglia observes) what I should have said was nothing. But, I couldn't help myself and I said, "I suppose if you bring a loaded gun into an airport, a fine is gonna be the least of your worries!"

No one found this amusing ... even after I repeated it when one of the officers asked, "what?"

Start this video at the 3:30 mark!



But, they let me on the plane! Didn't even frisk me (though I had come through the metal detector so this probably wasn't necessary).

In retrospect, the surprising thing is that they didn't find the clip at LAX ...

I made it to my gate five minutes before the plane boarded. On both of my flights, I felt like a kid who'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I felt like the flight attendants were keeping an eye on me the whole time :)

After arriving in Los Angeles at 10am without incident, I spent the next eleven hours driving ... Post-Thanksgiving traffic was so bad that we came to a dead standstill on interstate 5 several times! The good news, though, is that we had In N Out for dinner! I got an animal style burger and it was delicious! Way better than I remembered!

Pop and Gram eventually got tired of fighting the traffic and we pulled over at a rest stop about two hours south of our destination to spend the night.